I am in bed now, staring into a pitch dark bed room. I try hard to pull a usual sound sleep. But the harder I close the eyes, the more luminous the incident appears. It had happened at school today at early morning and it is reflecting like the changing scenes of a feature film.
"They had arrived before I was summoned to the Principal's office, my parents had! They were sitting side by side on the sofa and hearing the Principal say– we are sorry to say…….something like that. Their faces were a sight to see actually– mom gazing on her own navel and dad, staring at the Principal's face with a hope that he would be kind enough to forgive the blunder. But the Principal was firmly sticking to what he had decided. Beside the Principal were the Discipline In charge, Vice Principal and the Academic In charge, all staring at me with big bulging eyes that had nothing but mounting anger. I was asked to stand before the Principal as soon as I got into the office. And it was when they showered a series of questions– why, how, where, when, how many and so on. I had no answer at all of them, however. All I could do was to shed salty tears and seeing only a darkened future looming over to me. Finally the discipline committee reached to the conclusion that I would have to stay at home and have a self-study till the board exams."
"No friends to talk to, no teacher to help out! How can I prepare for the board exam, by God?" My heart turned cold and the mind blank. I saw the entire room spinning on its own axis.
"My father, on hearing, swung out of the office and went straight to his Land Rover that had been parked in a school's parking lot. Mother, with a pale blue face, followed him, and dragging myself I walked behind her. Both of them spoke no word until we reached home.
"I admit that it was my fault." I wipe my tear rolling down onto the pillow and let a gush of hot air blow out.
"I know going out in the school uniform and drinking and smoking which, as a school rule, is quite offensive. But none of them understood that I was bound to give a company to my classmates. It was Bharat's birthday and they had made a special plan to mark it somewhere in a restaurant. Yes, I had refused to go with them first, explaining the consequence it might cause. I had sustained it until Arati spoke. She said that I would be out of friendship if I didn't go with them. What would you do if a pretty girl like Arati said so? Tell me what?" I take a turn and pillow my own arm.
"I know there is the Principal to administer, there are teachers to teach, discipline committee to deal with the disciplinary issues. And I know for sure who is who but don't know who looks after what the students do beyond school. Had I known it I wouldn't have ventured to go with them."
"No, no," I bite the finger nail and think over it again. "Yeah, there's someone to relay the message from the restaurant to the school. Who could it be? A well-wisher to the school? Or someone who is trying to take a revenge with anyone of the five? Yes, it could be a parent of any other fellow who was not with us. Maybe it was Shankar who often time launches a complaint against fellow mates, we know and therefore call him a spy. Anyway, let me not talk of who it was. The bread has already fallen on its buttered side."
I hear a stray dog barking in the street and lend the ear to it for a while.
"What more did we do there except having him cut the cake?" I find myself innocent again. "What more? We had just had a block of pizza, some spaghetti, kima noodles and a bottle of beer each. Just that. I had smoked for the first time in my life, not willingly of course, but with insistence. I did it just to keep the company. It was trifle indeed to suspend the students, not of average kind but one of the brighter ones. They know I always fall in GPA 4 category, win each competition I participate and win the medals and prizes in inter school speech competition. They should have forgiven me if not others."
My chest swells a bit recalling my own success but at the same time sinks down when the sense of discipline overrules. "Are the rules made in heaven, I mean, not to be broken at any cost? Some say rules are made to be broken. Are they right?"
I recall the discipline in charge once say about the rules and their breach.
"Oh, no! If all begin to break the rule, the world will go anarchic. Yeah, it is likely. Okay, let's suppose I am forgiven. What about the rest? Aren't they to be forgiven? If the school keeps forgiving all sorts of offences, could it run smooth? All alike— be it a brighter or a bloomer, should abide by the rule, or else all by nature tend to break it. The school, in this regard is right, yes, cent percent right to suspend us. The rascals like us should be punished."
A sort of relief cools me down.
"But what if I secure just C+?" A hot bubble of wave rises its head again, "What if I won't be what my parents want to make me? What if my father will never be speaking to me? What if my friend forget me forever? If so, I won't have any other choice except……….. What if Arati goes away from us? Oh, shit! What a costliest celebration it was!"
A big lump sticks across my throat and I feel choked somehow. And it is when I hear some knocks— not in a couple but repeated ones at the door. With them there follows an urgent call, "Are you okay, dear?"
It is mom calling me with her lungs out.
-Bir Singh
2nd November, 2022